Admitting defeat.. no regrets!

Well, after a day off, I awoke still questioning my ability to perform well as a kayak guide in cold Maine seas. I kind of felt like this (below)...🤭 I also seriously questioned whether I would actually ENJOY the guide job if I somehow passed my licensing exam. Heck, help is so hard to find this summer, even ice cream shops are offering $20 an hour! Yet we will be expected to lead multiple tours a day and conceivably rescue people... for a meager $12.50 an hour plus MAYBE tips. Some of my classmates aren't happy about this...

Today was scheduled as another all day paddle, this time in Somes Sound, the only fjord in the Eastern US, shown below. Quite beautiful..

A cold front had moved through overnight, and I think this was the last straw when I thought of more cold water rescue drills, this time with tandem kayaks and two people in the water needing assistance. I headed to work at the designated meeting time but instead of joining the guide trainees, I pulled my boss aside and told him I was in over my head, no pun intended, and had decided to leave the training class. He was cordial, said that the instructor had told him I was "struggling" with some things, but urged me to finish the class and attempt the exam. He said they could use me as an extra/2nd guide on groups bigger than 12 people. Generous offer actually... I felt like an ass for taking a trainee spot and dropping out.I heard one of the guys in the class was a no-show today too. The thought of spending another week in hell for NO pay was also not appealing, in the event I didnt take/pass my exams.

I apologized and said that my mind was made up, and he said it was his policy never to try to talk someone into something. He also said that last year, a girl in my position mid-training, went ahead and passed her exam and quit after her first tour, saying she just didn't want to do it. People have to find their bliss, and sometimes an online job description isn't what you envisioned, once you get into it. I reread the job description and there was no mention of hauling gear blocks to the water, lifting kayaks on and off a trailer from the water's edge, days of cold water rescue drills in the pool and sea, or 3 all day paddles. 

I figured I'd just admit defeat now and avoid another week of all day paddles, cold water rescues, mock oral exams with an instructor who seemed to take pleasure in busting on me, and days of studying with a 50/50 chance of passing anyway, only to get a guide job that I no longer found appealing because of the safety/rescue responsibility and the physical stamina and discomfort involved.

I felt a huge weight lifted, and in a day or two, I'll come back to the office to see if there might be a spot for me elsewhere in the company. NO regrets. I gave it my all and I NEVER quit things. There you have it. I basically got a free, albeit unpaid, intensive 6 day kayak and navigation lesson and will use what I learned any time I'm on the water recreationally. And I'm still enjoying Maine, my fellow trainees and my housemates, all of whom I like and may end up remaining friends with, like some of my ranch co-workers! ;) To let off steam, I headed home and made a big pot of tortellini and spinach.

I spent the afternoon on the west side of MDI (Mount Desert Island), exploring NE Harbor, Seal Harbor where Martha Stewart has a home,  and a few other sites. That will be posted in a few days. Stay tuned! My blog will be more of a tourist/sightseeing narrative going forward. I must a admit, it felt nice to come home at 5ish with no salt water on my skin, hair and clothes and not be dead tired and scratched/bruised/blistered/soaked/bleeding/sore! ;)